Recent NY Times article The End of Courtship? says hook-up culture has replaced dating with the Millennial generation. The article quotes 34-year-old Anna Goldfarb who complains that “I’ve seen men put more effort into finding a movie to watch on Netflix Instant than composing a coherent message to ask a woman out[…]”
Michelle Adams, author of the article The New York Times Says “Courtship” is Dead: Millennials Disagree, has another explanation, pointing out that the article exclusively chronicles the cultural trends of Millennial Manhattanites. She also points out that the idea of hooking up is hardly new.
“Anecdotes serve a great way prove a point, but does not provide empirical evidence that completely convinces me we are a generation that does not date.” (Michelle Adams)
I have my doubts as well. I don’t think marriage, and/or, commitment is out of vogue just yet. The majority of Millennials adore Barack and Michelle Obama, a great model for a happy and healthy marriage. And with 59% of Millennials in support of Marriage Equality(PEW), it seems logical that these 20-somethings would consider exchanging “I do’s” themselves someday?
Still, as Manhattan goes…
Adams goes on to write “moreover, researchers have found that romantic love continues to be a main staple in human’s lives.” So what do Millennials want from their romantic life? This area of life deserves reflection. If you are sure you don’t want to get married, at least consider what kind of relationship you would like eventually, if any. Even if the goal is to not be in a relationship for a very long time, at least “hook-up” with people who are on the same page as you.
Eventually, I think the hook-up pool will continue to shrink as it’s human nature to, well, age. Maybe it’s old-fashioned, but people tend to pair-off and settle down. Even if it’s haphazardly, and takes a very long time.
But what do I know, maybe extended “hook-up” culture is here to stay?
Either way, the world is changing, and it’s old news that the milestones of Adulthood are changing along with it, but that doesn’t mean your life will spontaneously find direction. Millennials, what do you want? Figure it out now.
After all “an unexamined life is not worth living.” (Socrates)
So-Called Millennial 
Thanks for featuring me in your blog. Somebody else wrote another article stating that they think the idea of courting has changed. I liked her article, but she used anecdotal evidence as well. 😀 http://www.policymic.com/articles/23811/the-death-of-dating-how-millennials-completely-changed-the-dating-game
Thanks Michelle! I appreciate your thoughts, and I’ll check out the article you posted. Interesting “dating” world Millennials are now navigating.
Welcome!!!! Dating is sooo interesting though. I swear, online dating has changed the way we do date, but that article was still wrong…saying we don’t know how to date. I wish I would’ve written a blog while I was online dating, but I’m sure there are plenty of blogs that do that. Alas, not doing that anymore…
I know several couples who met online, and are very happy. It’s interesting analyzing these trends as a married lady. I think the ‘hook-up’ culture is not new at all, and I could see how it maybe has replaced dating in some Millennial tribes, but not as a whole. Like I said in my post, as things continue to change, I think singles should at least keep assessing what kind of person/relationship they’re looking for.
Indeed, indeed. I would think it’d be interesting to see it from a married perspective. I am glad I had a hand in online dating, it sure got for some interesting stories. It’s ironic though, didn’t meet my current boyfriend through online dating, even though I was doing it at the time. Alas, it’s weird for me being in a relationship (before this boyfriend, I was always perpetually single!!!).
I’d argue that the idea of finding a life-partner or marriage isn’t dead necessarily but that it’s becoming increasingly common to see Millennials postpone these long-term commitments for a later date.
This is of course not true for all Millennials, but I think “extended hook-up culture” is the result of some as-yet undefined characteristic of Millennials and that very well could be the attitude of waiting longer for marriage I mentioned, or another characteristic altogether.
Hey. Yeah, I find all of this dating stuff really interesting, as well. I do think there’s too much anecdotal evidence thrown in some of these articles, but there is a genuine interest in understanding how our generation is dealing with technological/economic change in relation to dating. I just get frustrated sometimes when these news outlets throw in big generalizations, partly as a way to drive traffic (aka, link bait) that I fall for every time. Sorry to plug my own blog, but I wrote about these trends in dating articles recently, too: http://jamesclarence.wordpress.com/2013/01/22/there-is-too-much-writing-about-twentysomethings-dating-but-dont-stop/ Enjoyed your post!
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